These experiences are intentional distractions designed to provoke an emotional reaction and drain your mental energy and leaving you stuck in cycles of shame, fear, anger, or even low moods.
Shame
Public humiliation rituals are carefully orchestrated acts of shaming, often disguised as “correction,” “accountability,” or “guidance.” They typically occur in group settings like workplaces, churches, or closed communities, where one person is singled out, criticised, or cornered in front of others.
In the immediate aftermath, the most important step is to document what happened. Recording details such as the time, place, exact words used, and who was present helps anchor your reality and protects against later denial or gaslighting.
Many people get "swallowed up in shame" after a humiliation ritual, feeling like they are “bad,” “toxic,” or “deserving” of what happened.
Instead of insisting you “shouldn’t feel ashamed,” ask yourself: “What am I doing with this shame?” and to reframe the meaning of the event.
Reframing suggestions :
This "was not about your character" but a "targeted, strategic move"—possibly in retaliation for:
Saying something someone didn’t like.
Setting a boundary.
Asking questions or challenging the system.
The ritual may have been a "cowardly way" of avoiding confrontation or emotional responsibility; people gather others to deliver a message they could have said alone.
By seeing it as: “This was a calculated attempt to destabilise me,”…rather than “I am shameful and this is proof,” you reduce self‑blame and reclaim some clarity.
Shame is normal and you don’t have to “get over” it quickly.
Be careful about:
Self‑blame spirals: replaying “If only I had done this differently…” for too long.
Rushing through emotions or numbing yourself (e.g., with substances, overwork, or dissociation) because “difficult feelings are exhausting.”
Advice:
Allow the emotions, but also practice:
Naming them (“I feel shame,” “I feel betrayed”).
Recording them in your notes or voice‑memo as part of your processing.
There is no one “right” way* to feel or heal; the point is to 'not forget the facts' (what happened, who was there, what was said) while you feel anything.
Fear
Fear is dangerous because it is the most effective tool used to manipulate and control individuals. several reasons why this emotional state is harmful to victims:
It impairs rational decision-making
It leads to impulsive behaviour
It amplifies the abuse.
It creates self-sabotage: The goal of the enemy is for the individual to 'self-destruct' by losing hope & giving up.
Key Strategies to Manage Fear:
Identify and Understand: Pinpoint what you fear and why. Bringing subconscious fears into conscious awareness reduces their power.
Gradual Exposure ("Build a Ladder"): Create a list of actions from least to most scary. Start by facing the least scary fear, then move up, repeating steps until anxiety decreases.
Practice Mindfulness and Breathing: Use slow, deep breathing techniques (longer exhalations) to reduce physical symptoms of anxiety. Ground yourself in the present moment by focusing on the five senses.
Reframe Thoughts: Challenge irrational, catastrophic thinking by focusing on positive outcomes or potential gains rather than dangers.
Use the "AVA" Method: Acknowledge the fear, Validate it as natural (not bad), and Act based on your values.
Avoid Avoidance: Avoiding fears makes them worse. Instead, take small steps to face them and build confidence.
Practice Self-Care: Regular exercise, healthy eating, and sleep can help manage overall anxiety.
Reflect or Journal: Keep a journal to identify patterns and triggers, which can make fears feel less overwhelming.
Anger:
Controlling anger doesn’t have to feel complicated.When things start to heat up, try to shift your focus—relax your body, find a bit of humour in the situation, or just walk away for a while. Giving yourself that small pause helps your brain settle down so you can respond more thoughtfully instead of reacting on impulse.And over time, building habits like regularly exercising, understanding what triggers you, and speaking up calmly can make a big difference.
Immediate Techniques to Calm Down:
Deep Breathing/Counting: Inhale slowly, counting to ten (or 100 for intense rage), which prevents relying on the amygdala and engages rational thinking.
Take a Timeout: Step away from the frustrating situation or person until calm.
Physical Release: Drink cold water, wash your face with cold water, or take a walk to release physical tension.
Doodling: regulates anger by providing a low-demand, distracting, and repetitive outlet that lowers arousal, improves mood, and helps process intense emotions.Key tips for success-
Don't Judge the Product: Focus on the process and how it feels, not how it looks.
Sync with Breathing: Try to match your pen strokes to your breathing (e.g., inhale while drawing upwards, exhale downwards).
Keep Tools Handy: Keep a sketchpad or notebook nearby for easy, immediate access to this coping strategy.
Grief:
Grief is natural emotional pain after loss, bringing overwhelming feelings.Even subtle losses in life can trigger a sense of grief. For example, you might grieve after moving away from home, graduating from college, or changing jobs.
The most common sources of grief for a TI are:
Divorce or relationship breakup.
Loss of health.
Losing a job.
Loss of financial stability.
Loss of a cherished dream.
Loss of a friendship.
Loss of safety after a trauma.
Bereavement (the death of a loved one).
In 1969, psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross introduced what became known as the “five stages of grief.”
Denial: “This can’t be happening to me.”
Anger: “Why is this happening? Who is to blame?”
Bargaining: “Make this not happen, and in return I will ____.”
Depression: “I’m too sad to do anything.”
Acceptance: “I’m at peace with what happened.”
While grieving a loss is an inevitable part of life, there are ways to help cope with the pain, come to terms with your grief, and eventually, find a way to pick up the pieces and move on with your life.
Acknowledge your pain.
Accept that grief can trigger many different and unexpected emotions.
Understand that your grieving process will be unique to you.
Seek out face-to-face support from people who care about you.
Support yourself emotionally by taking care of yourself physically.
Recognize the difference between grief and depression.
Journal, write letters, create photo albums, or engage in artistic activities to process memories.
Honour the deceased by planting a tree, starting a charity fund, or engaging in activities they enjoyed.
Delay big decisions, such as moving or changing jobs, immediately following a loss.
Consider a therapist or counsellor, especially if you experience intense, long-lasting symptoms or have trouble with daily tasks.
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